One small step for style, one giant leap for body image

So yesterday I did a huge, giant, enormous, big brave thing.  No, really.

Are you ready for this?

OK, here it is then: I wore boots, leggings and a mid-thigh-length tunic to work.

*GASPPPPPP!*

"Why is this such a big deal?", I hear you ask.

Well, it's like this, see.  All of us have bits of our bodies we're... not as happy with as we could be, right?  In my case, the "bits I'm not happy with" are pretty much everything below the waist.  And I have my reasons: I have a weirdass lymphatic circulation thingy going on, which means that even when I was at my alltime skinniest and friends/family were telling me I'd gone too far with my weight loss (although I'd only *just* slipped into the very top level of "healthily overweight" by the BMI charts), I still had very round, very swollen, very balloony legs and ankles.

I've had the issue checked by a doctor or two over the years, each of whom agrees that, given how active I am in my daily life:

1. No, really, lymphatic swelling has absolutely bugger-all to do with my weight. It's not actually my fault for being overweight, but they can't tell me what it *is* due to. Basically, it's just one of those things that just *is* - kinda like me having mutant thumbs or a jewish nose
2. If the oedema (that's the technical name for lymphatic swelling) didn't suddenly show up out of the blue, and it's not painful or stopping me doing anything practical that I want to do, then there's no real health reason to be concerned about it
3. If I *do* want to do something about it, I'm probably looking at long-term use of diuretics to reduce the fluid levels (yeah, no thanks, I like my electrolytes the way they are, thanks), and/or wearing fairly tight compression stockings to physically *squeeze* the fluid out of my legs (until I take them off, when it'll probably all flow back in again - and yeah, again, no thanks - taking care of what is effectively a cosmetic issue by wearing something really ugly and uncomfortable seems to defeat the purpose, if you know what I mean)

So I figured that if it's not affecting my life in any way other than keeping me from fitting into 95% of the allegedly-my-size boots on the planet, then I really don't want to start frakking around with my body's delicate biochemical balance or sentence myself to wearing compression stockings for the rest of my life. So the obvious answer is to just live with it, dress around it, and focus my time and energy on other FAR more important matters.

Which sounds all very smart and sensible and stuff, but despite the smartness and sense, somewhere underneath the surface, I've retained a definite sense of... shame... I guess you'd call it, about my legs.  Because they're not shaped like "normal" legs. Despite their strength. Despite the fact that they've been instrumental in getting me 88km into Trailwalker last time around. Despite the fact that they've carried me nearly 1,500km since I started  tracking my mileage back in August last year.  You'd think I'd be proud of them, regardless of their shape, right?

Yeah, not so much, I'm afraid. For the past decade or so, almost any time I've left the house, I've dressed in either long, loose trousers, or a long, ankle-length skirt.  Oh, I'll *very* occasionally wear leggings when I'm out running, or exercising at home. But otherwise? I hide them away to the greatest extent I can. Even when I was training for Trailwalker through the heat of summer last time around, I still wore long cargos to walk in, rather than shorts for most of it (I did *try* to wear shorts for part of it, but it was a HUGE deal psychologically for me when I did)

So anyway. I made a decision back last year that if/when I completed Trailwalker, I was going to buy myself a short skirt that showed off my (probably opaque-tights-covered, granted) legs. After all, legs that walked 100km, and that were instrumental in raising $2,500 for charity frakking deserved to be shown off, right?

That's an easy decision to make because, hey, it's off in the future, and I don't have to actually *do* anything about it right now.  And then earlier this month it occurred to me... one of my standard workwear combos recently has been a flattering, mid-thigh tunic worn over either jeans or dress pants.  And that I could just as easily do that over leggings or opaque tights as I could over pants. So I didn't actually *need* to buy myself anything new to "show my legs off".

Then, last week, I went shoe shopping - looking for some physio-recommended flats to wear to work, since wearing boots with heels  - even small ones - seemed to be aggravating a knee problem I can't afford to have this close to Trailwalker.  What I discovered  is that the new season's boots are now in... and that someone, somewhere must have heard my footwear-related prayers because they're FINALLY making boots that fit those of us with... wider calves and ankles.  And for the first time EVER in my life, I found a pair of leather, mid-calf boots that fitted over my ankle and lower calves. And there was MUCH celebration in the Starfire-verse, let me tell you.

So of course, I... errr... grabbed the aforementioned boots. And a couple of other pairs of comfy, flat ankle boots while I was at it. I've never had so much success with boot-shopping in my life, and I wasn't about to let any of them slip through my grasp. Which brings me through to yesterday. I wore the midcalf ones. And leggings. And a mid-thigh tunic. And I... shock... horrror... gasp... *showed off my legs*.

The results were AMAZING in the extent of their anticlimacticness. No-one said a word. It's possible that this is because it looked truly godawful and everyone was too polite to say anything. But it's also possible, and FAR more likely, that no-one actually noticed. After all, I'd worn that tunic before over black pants. It's possible it didn't actually look all that different over black leggings.  The key thing from my subconscious's point of view, however, is that no-one gasped, blanched or ran away in horror when the shape of my legs went on display. No-one gently took me aside and explained that, really, I didn't have the legs to be wearing such styles, and should really go back to wearing looser pants. No-one, in fact, appeared to be looking at my legs one way or the other.  Which is to be expected if you're thinking about such things rationally and logically.  Can you tell from this post I haven't been able to do that for a long time?

Anyway: I'm figuring on some kind of "aversion therapy" thing here, where I do the whole tunic-and-leggings thing on a regular basis over Winter... and hopefully at some point, I'll graduate to doing the same thing with opaque tights and above-the-knee skirts.

Who knows?  By the time summer rolls around, my subconscious may have even made it to the point I'm ready to let just a little skin show?